What did the clock do when he was hungry?
He went back four seconds.
July 2012
ME: I’m leaving.
ME:…
ME: *reblog*
ME: *reblog*
ME: *reblog*
ME: *reblog*
ME: *reblog*
ME: Ok. I’m leaving…
ME: *reblog*
ME: *reblog*
ME: Bye.
ME: *reblog*
- me: 100% fab
- you: 0% fab
That awkward moment when you're trying to be quiet opening a new pack of gum...
But you end up being to loud
and everyone is suddenly like:
So many relatable and funny posts in this blog! Come by and visit!
you may unfollow me but you can never deny that you liked my blog enough to make the conscious decision to follow me in the first place
you’re scrolling through tumblr having a pretty decent fucking time
when suddenly
you spot it
fuck
please god no
why this happen
what did i do wrong
where do you even fucking get all of these
fuckiN STOP
there is a special place in hell for people like you
i hate everything
FUCK YOU YOU ARE SO CAPABLE OF NEVER REBLOGGING THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
NO
WHY WOULD YOU WANT THIS
WHY
- Parents 50% of the time: you're a grown up, you can do things by yourself
- Parents 50% of the time: shut up you know nothing you're still a baby
stop saying i can’t even and start saying i can even
believe in urself
is that a lawn mower flying
no, it’s a lawn mower following it’s dreams
what if we all keep our blogs till we’re like 40 and we reblog cooking recipes and parenting advice and sly dig each other about weight gain and bald spots
- me: oh man my show is on i'm so excited to sit down and watch television for an hour
- mom: turns on every sink in the house grinds coffee beans for five minutes reorganizes every pan in the cupboard starts a rock band
I’m pretty sure I somehow skipped the young, carefree stage of life and went straight to being bitter and resentful.
carpe diem - seize the day
carpe noctem - seize the night
carpe natibus - seize the ass
How do you guys get over something embarrassing?
well we never let each other forget it so we don’t really ever get over it
thats the real meaning of friendship
“faster,” she moaned. “why won’t this page load faster?”
50 Shades of Tumblr
how do celebrities just date normal unfamous people like where do they meet and how do they talk like does the normal person just say “hi i’m a huge fan of your music” and they bang or what
how does that work and where do i sign up
i wonder if anyone has ever peed in the olympic pool
- me: *steps outside*
- me: where can i lower the brightness
long-romantic-walk-to-the-fridge:
imagine if people screamed instead of snored
This is Emma.
She really likes the song she is listening to.
However, she does not put it on her blog as autoplay because others might not like her shitty taste in music.
Good Job, Emma.
Blogging etiquette. Real simple stuff.
In primary school when you and your friend would pretend to sharpen your pencils to have a chat at the bin
This is the most UK-centric sentence I’ve ever seen written
In primary school when you and your mate would pretend to sharpen your woody pointy writer-downers to have a jolly good chin wag at the bin
i ship u and my follow button
Why so much ass n titties on your personals... why?
nothin better than a big ol’ booty
how do you get text posts seen?>
you gotta be a
if you’ve been following me for a while and not once wanted to virtually punch me in the face, I congratulate you.
- mom 4 hours ago: we're only staying for 30 minutes
you could be having sex with a hot olympian right now if you hadn’t spent the past five years of your life online
- mum: what are you laughing at
- me: the internet
- mum: can i see?
- me: no
